you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We have started to decorate penises.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
