You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
