It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
