Me. At least after what I've been through.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
