help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
