Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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