man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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