I want you more than these girls want KFC
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
