He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
