My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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