life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
