Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
