The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
