The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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