Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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