The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
