I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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