Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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