I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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