i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
