I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
