I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
