i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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