I wish I could teleport
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the day after is always just damage control
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize