You made me cry and you don't even care
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
