this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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