He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
