i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
