no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
