Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
