I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
