I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
