Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
