so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize