It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize