I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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