I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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