dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize