Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
