So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize