Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
