I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
