dude i'm inner monologue high
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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