Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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