My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
