Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
