I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
