that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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