Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
