We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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