Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
