Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
