is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
