thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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