; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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