You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
