She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize