How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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