apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
COCAINE IS GR8
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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