I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
