i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize