Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he thought i was a dude.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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