We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
