I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
