We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
